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[12 Mar 2004|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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Going Under - Evanescence |
] |
Well....It's been a while...
Everything seems so hard right now...i'm constantly in fights with people I love, and I keep feeling like nothing I do is good enough for anyone... I try so hard to make people happy, and everything I do always ends up wrong...
I don't mean to make people mad, but I seem to every second of the day...whether it's my friends, my family....whatever, I just piss them off... I dont wanna be this person anymore, I dont think I even wanna be me anymore.....
I use to think of myself as someone who gave to people, and was a good friend, and made people happy..and...now I hate myself, I hate everything about myself...I cant even sing like I use to be able to. Everything is gone....relationships with people I hold so close to me, and dear are crumbling right in front of me.....
I don't know where to turn, i'm scared I am going to make things worse for me, and everyone.... I make new friends, and I dont even understand why they want to hang out with me, or like me at all.... there is nothing about me that I even enjoy, or like anymore, and I dont know what to do about it, and it scares the shit out of me.
I know I dont wanna live here anymore, I wanna get the hell out of here, and away from my mother constantly, all the time, bitching at me, and having so many mood swings I just wanna scream, and run away and never come back. Jovelyn asked me to move in with her and her friend, but I dont know... I wanna get out, but I dont make nearly enough money to pay rent, and I have to pass school at the same time. I just am fucked I think...I dont know where to go from here.
Well I think that's enough for now...
Later
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| Evanescence |
[23 Feb 2004|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
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My Immortal - Evanescence |
] |
Well last night was Evanescene and it was AWESOME!!! Angela and I left a little late, about 2:30 instead of 2:00, as was planned. But we made it with one stop, there by 4:30, and the show started at 6pm. It worked out great, we stood in a VERY LONG line, and finally got in there, and got much better seats then we thought we would judging by how long the line was. We got seated about 5:30, so we had about 30 mins to hang out and do nothing, but it was cool.
ATOMSHIP: Atomship was the first band, and they were special. They did about 5 songs, and the lead singer proceeded to shake his head around like he was possessed but something. He was pretty weird, they ended there set with a song called alien, and we both thought one was gonna come out of his head and eat the audience!!! The music on there CD is better.
DEFAULT: Default was the second band, and they kicked ASS! The lead singer was totally hot, and he had a great voice. They also did about 5 songs, and threw about everything they had into the audience when they were done performing.
</font>
EVANESCENCE
Evanescence was AWESOME, and I got some great pictures of the show to! Amy is totally crazy, she moves so much i could barly take a picture, BUT i did, and I got some damn good ones!!! I loved it, and i would totally see them again. They did all the songs from there CD, plus one cover, and...so we got 3 bands in 3 hours. It was a great time, and everything worked out great. Awesome roadtrip! Good times! Below are some of my fav pics.
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[19 Feb 2004|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
] |
Well, lets see, the last thing I said was that I met Angela and god knows alot has happend since THEN!
Ok, well lets see, I'm still friends with Angela, infact I made a new friend Jovelyn, and she is really cool to, again with the Kohls! What's up with that? Anyway, we are making a video that parodys MTV Diary, VERY amusing.
My best friend came to see me the day after christmas, and that was SO much fun!! Normally I have to wait untill summer to see her again, but this time I get to see her NEXT MONTH!!!! March 18th, im going there, I got tickets and i'm SO excited! I miss her alot, and it's going to be great to see her again! Then we only have 3 months(sorta)untill she'll be back here! YAY! not as long! SO totally awesome!!
On the downfall.... My Grandma just found out she has cancer on her head and has to start radiation.. which is no good... Also a friend of our familys, Mickey Loop Just died yesterday...
School is COMPELTLY stressing me out! I cant seem to get anything done, there is TO MUCH. I have MASSIVE projects in both class, plus about 2 small projects in one of my classes EVERY WEEK on top of the BIGGER prject that is the midterm. Which is Due the same day as my OTHER massive MIDTERM PROJECT!!!! So Fuckin' fuck!
GRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
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| New shit |
[08 Sep 2003|11:37am] |
Well, School started and it's going good.
I met a friend at kohls, Angela, and she's really cool. I'm really happy about that!!! Well, i havn't posted in forever, and I think i lost my Audience target , but thats ok, lol.
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| Weeee |
[13 Jul 2003|07:35pm] |
Here is a pic of me. :)
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| Update FINALLY! |
[01 Jul 2003|12:33am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
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21 questions - 50 cent |
] |
Well lets see last time i said anything i was at chelseys. Well, ive been home for a few weeks now, even those it seems like YEARS. I had a GREAT time, but, what the hell is better then spending 3 weeks with your best friend in the whole wide world? not a god damn thing! Leaving was sad...but ya know, ya gotta leave before you can come back. Sept, SHE'S COMIN' TO ME! Mwa ha! ;) Love ya chels.
Well, i'm home, back to work, whoo hoo, NOT. heh. My whole thing was change, kohls was bumped from a 7 point store to a 5 which means we move to all night, and it effects me. Curentlly I work from 9-1, and it's being changed to 10pm-6am. well, my family told me to give it a try, and see how it works for me, it doesn't start untill aug. I don't know if it will work with my school starting and everything. plus, i may not get the job, if to many people sign off, they will start turning people down, so that would suck to. So i'm still thinking about that. it would totally fuck with my sleeping schedual. So, that's gonna be allot of thinking.
this week is gonna be crazy, 4th of July sales and all that shit. Luckly I have sat off, i'm going to connor prarie. Symphony on the Prarie, that's always allot of fun, but last time I went was with chels, and i miss her :(
Well that's all for now folks.
buh-byes!
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| Tomorrow |
[09 Jun 2003|05:15pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Think about it for a second. |
] |
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Ya I try to believe you,
But I don't
When you say that it's gonna be,
It always turns out to be a different way,
I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
Chorus
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
It's always been up to you,
It's turning around,
It's up to me,
I'm gonna do what I have to do,
just don't
Gimme a little time,
Leave me alone a little while,
Maybe it's not too late,
not today, today, today, today, today...
Chorus
I don't know how I'll feel,
tomorrow, tomorrow,
I don't know what to say,
tomorrow, tomorrow
Is a different day
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,
Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrow
And I wanna believe you,
When you tell me that it'll be ok,
Yeah I try to believe you,
Not today, today, today, today, today...
Tomorrow it may change
Tomorrow it may change
Tomorrow it may change
Tomorrow it may change
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| Naked Potato Pants |
[04 Jun 2003|04:50pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
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music |
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Meet me in St. louis |
] |
Well first of all, i wanna say how very very very proud I am of my best frend in the whhooollleeee wide worldfor graduation yesterday from high school. I love you chels!!! Im so happy for you.
Meanwhile, i'm curently in DE until june 18th. Im having alot of fun. This week is gonna be busy. chels works wed and thursday, and then, friday we MIGHT be taking little catlin to the boadwalk, then were going to a car show, then sat were getting up early and going to the car show again, and then there is a party that night, graduation party. :) Well, thats all i have right now, but I do have some pictures for you!!
Chelsey, my bestest friend!
The Happy Graduates
Me and my bestest friend
Love Jenn
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| Survey |
[26 May 2003|09:48pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
] |
Last kiss: While ago
Last good cry: Last time I left my best friend
Last library book checked out: I dont even remember the last time I went to the library
Last movie seen: Bruce Almighty
Last book read: Judy: By Gerald Frank, it is the Judy Bible!
Last cuss word uttered: fuckin
Last beverage drank: Mountain Dew
Last food consumed: Chinease Food
Last crush: hmm....
Last phone call: Katie
Last TV show watched: Everwood
Last time showered: sometime this morning
Last shoes worn: um...sandle things..by..someone
Last cd played: Jennifer Love Hewitt
Last item bought: Movie Ticket
Last downloaded: uhhh...song
Last annoyance: mother
Last disappointment: i dunno
Last soda drank: mountain dew
Last thing written: mountain dew
Last key used: w
Last word spoken: mountain dew
Last IM: havnt had one in a while
Last sexual fantasy: heath ledger with hand cuffs
Last weird encounter: my dog got his head stuck in the cheerios
Last time amused: muff
Last time wanting to die: i dont wanna die
Last time hugged: while ago, but wed!
Last chair sat in: green chai
Last lipstick used: um...diamond something
Last bra worn: im naked, JK
Last shirt worn: Gap Sweatshirt
Last time dancing: uhhhh...at a club a while ago
Last show attended: Fosse
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| Eh |
[23 May 2003|05:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Headache |
] |
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music |
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owwwwwwwww music loud |
] |
Today I went over to my aunts, trying to earn money to go DE. I worked in her garden, and stuff. I need to clean her gutters out, then im done.
I stopped today, because my head is killing me..well...that's all for now.
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[21 May 2003|12:44am] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
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music |
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eh...music doesn't say what I want it to |
] |
Well, ive been having like a major amount of issues lately, and im not sure I know what the hell to do anymore... Im so confused...everything is so fucking confusing, i dont know, ugh!
I just want things to be how they were....but...i guess that's not gonna happen...
I dont know, fuck it...i'm obviously not supose to fuckin get it....
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| Drumline |
[18 May 2003|10:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Drumline fuckin' Rules! |
] |
GOOD MOVIE!
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| The Craft |
[17 May 2003|12:33am] |
You're Bonnie, fire and feeling. Analysis: You've
been hurt in life, either physically or
mentally and it's really affected the way you
see yourself. Given half the chance, you could
really shine, but you'd probably let it go to
your head. Try not to be narcassistic and let
your inner depth lead you. You'll be much
better for it. Traits: strong, passionate,
angered easily, practical.
Which Witch from The Craft Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Eclipse |
[16 May 2003|04:40pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
I took a picture of the Eclipse last night.
:)
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| Alice's Restaurant |
[15 May 2003|05:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Musical |
] |
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music |
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Alice's Restaurant |
] |
CHORUS
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
Walk right in, it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice's restaurant
RECITATION:
This song is called "Alice's Restaurant." It's about Alice, and the
restaurant, but "Alice's Restaurant" is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song. That's why I call the song "Alice's
Restaurant."
Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago... two years ago, on Thanksgiving,
when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the restaurant.
But Alice doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives in the church nearby the
restaurant, in the bell tower with her husband Ray and Facha, the dog.
And livin' in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of room downstairs
where the pews used to be, and havin' all that room (seein' as how they took
out all the pews), they decided that they didn't have to take out their
garbage for a long time.
We got up here and found all the garbage in there and we decided that it'd
be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump.
So we took the half-a-ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red VW
microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction, and headed
on toward the city dump. Well, we got there and there was a big sign and a
chain across the dump sayin', "This dump is closed on Thanksgiving," and
we'd never heard of a dump closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in
our eyes, we drove off into the sunset lookin' for another place to put the
garbage.
We didn't find one till we came to a side road, and off the side of the side
road was another fifteen-foot cliff, and at the bottom of the cliff was
another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile was better than
two little piles, and rather than bring that one up, we decided to throw
ours down. That's what we did.
Drove back to the church, had a Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat,
went to sleep, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a phone
call from Officer Obie. He said, "Kid, we found your name on a envelope at
the bottom of a half a ton of garbage and I just wanted to know if you had
any information about it."
And I said, "Yes sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie. I put that envelope
under that garbage." After speakin' to Obie for about forty-five minutes on
the telephone, we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and he said
that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and
speak to him at the Police Officer Station. So we got in the red VW microbus
with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on
toward the Police Officer Station.
Now, friends, there was only one of two things that Obie could've done at
the Police Officer Station, and the first was that he could've given us a
medal for bein' so brave and honest on the telephone (which wasn't very
likely, and we didn't expect it), and the other thing was that he could've
bawled us out and told us never to be seen drivin' garbage around in the
vicinity again, which is what we expected.
But when we got to the Police Officer Station, there was a third possibility
that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested,
handcuffed, and I said, "Obie, I can't pick up the garbage with these here
handcuffs on." He said: "Shut up kid, and get in the back of the patrol
car."
And that's what we did . . . sat in the back of the patrol car, and drove to
the quote scene of the crime unquote.
I wanna tell you 'bout the town of Stockbridge, Massachusetts, where this is
happenin'. They got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police
car, but when we got to the scene of the crime, there was five police
officers and three police cars, bein' the biggest crime of the last fifty
years and everybody wanted to get in the newspaper story about it.
And they was usin' up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hangin'
around the Police Officer Station. They was takin' plaster tire tracks,
footprints, dog-smellin' prints and they took twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored
glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of
each one explainin' what each one was, to be used as evidence against us.
Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner, the
southwest corner . . .
and that's not to mention the aerial photography!
After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was gonna put us in
a cell.
He said: "Kid, I'm gonna put you in a cell. I want your wallet and your
belt."
I said, "Obie, I can understand your wantin' my wallet, so I don't have any
money to spend in the cell, but what do you want my belt for?" and he said,
"Kid, we don't want any hangin's." I said, "Obie, did you think I was gonna
hang myself for litterin'?"
Obie said he was makin' sure, and, friends, Obie was, 'cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars, roll the toilet paper out
the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie was makin' sure.
It was about four or five hours later that Alice--(remember Alice? There's a
song about Alice.)--Alice came by and, with a few nasty words to Obie on the
side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the church, had another
Thanksgiving dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next
morning, when we all had to go to court. We walked in, sat down, Obie came
in with the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and
arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down.
Man came in, said, "All rise!" We all stood up, and Obie stood up with the
twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures, and the judge walked in, sat
down, with a seein' eye dog and he sat down. We sat down.
Obie looked at the seein' eye dog . . . then at the twenty-seven 8 x 10
colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the
back of each one . . . and looked at the seein' eye dog . . . and then at
the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy pictures with the circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each on and began to cry.
Because Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
blind justice, and there wasn't nothin' he could do about it, and the judge
wasn't gonna look at the twenty-seven 8 by 10 colored glossy pictures with
the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explainin'
what each one was, to be used as evidence against us.
And we was fined fifty dollars and had to pick up the garbage... in the
snow.
But that's not what I'm here to tell you about.
I'm here to talk about the draft.
They got a buildin' down in New York City called Whitehall Street, where you
walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and
selected!
I went down and got my physical examination one day, and I walked in, sat
down (got good and drunk the night before, so I looked and felt my best when
I went in that morning, 'cause I wanted to look like the All-American Kid
from New York City. I wanted to feel like . . . I wanted to be the
All-American Kid from New York), and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down,
brung down, hung up and all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things.
And I walked in, I sat down, they gave me a piece of paper that said: "Kid,
see the psychiatrist in room 604."
I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I wanna kill. I wanna kill! I wanna see
blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth! Eat dead, burnt bodies! I
mean: Kill. Kill!"
And I started jumpin' up and down, yellin' "KILL! KILL!" and he started
jumpin' up and down with me, and we was both jumpin' up and down, yellin',
"KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!" and the sergeant came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said "You're our boy". Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded down the hall, gettin' more injections, inspections, detections,
neglections, and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing
there, and I was there for two hours... three hours... four hours... I was
there for a long time goin' through all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly things,
and I was just havin' a tough time there, and they was inspectin',
injectin', every single part of me, and they was leavin' no part untouched!
Proceeded through, and I finally came to see the very last man. I walked in,
sat down, after a whole big thing there. I walked up, and I said, "What do
you want?" He said, "Kid, we only got one question: Have you ever been
arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of Alice's Restaurant Massacree with
full orchestration and five-part harmony and stuff like that, and other
phenomenon.
He stopped me right there and said, "Kid, have you ever been to court?" And
I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one
. . .
He stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want you to go over and sit down
on that bench that says 'Group W'."
And I walked over to the bench there, and there's... Group W is where they
put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after committin'
your special crime.
There was all kinds of mean, nasty, ugly-lookin' people on the bench there .
. . there was mother-rapers . . . father-stabbers . . . father-rapers!
FATHER-RAPERS sittin' right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean
and nasty and ugly and horrible and crime fightin' guys were sittin' there
on the bench, and the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one . . . the meanest
father-raper of them all . . . was comin' over to me, and he was mean and
ugly and nasty and horrible and all kinds of things, and he sat down next to
me. He said, "Kid, what'd you get?"
I said, "I didn't get nothin'. I had to pay fifty dollars and pick up the
garbage."
He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" and I said, "Litterin'"' . . . .
And they all moved away from me on the bench there, with the hairy eyeball
and all kinds of mean, nasty things, till I said, "And creatin' a nuisance .
. . " And they all came back, shook my hand, and we had a great time on the
bench talkin' about crime, mother-stabbin', father-rapin', . . . all kinds
of groovy things that we was talkin' about on the bench, and everything was
fine.
We was smokin' cigarettes and all kinds of things, until the sergeant came
over, had some paper in his hand, held it up and said:
"KIDSTHISPIECEOFPAPERSGOTFOURTYSVENPAGESTHIRTYSEVENSENTENCESFIFTYEIGHTWORDSWE
WANTTOKNOWTHEDETAILSOFTHECRIMETHETIMEOFTHECRIMEANDANYOTHERKINDOFTHINGYOU
GOTTOSAYPERTAININGTOANDABOUTTHE
CRIMEWEWANTTOKNOWTHEARRESTINGOFFIC
ERSNAMEANDANYOTHERTHINGYOUGOTTOSAY
. . ."
And he talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he
said.
But we had fun fillin' out the forms and playin' with the pencils on the
bench there.
I filled out the Massacree with the four-part harmony. Wrote it down there
just like it was and everything was fine. And I put down my pencil, and I
turned over the piece of paper, and there . . . on the other side . . . in
the middle of the other side . . . away from everything else on the other
side . . . in parentheses . . . capital letters . . . quotated . . . read
the following words: "Kid, have you rehabilitated yourself?"
I went over to the sergeant. Said, "Sergeant, you got a lot of god-damned
gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself! I mean . . . I mean . . . I
mean that you send . . . I'm sittin' here on the bench . . . I mean I'm
sittin' here on the Group W bench, 'cause you want to know if I'm moral
enough to join the army, burn women, kids, houses and villages after bein' a
litterbug."
He looked at me and said, "Kid, we don't like your kind! We're gonna send
your fingerprints off to Washington"!
And, friends, somewhere in Washington, enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints.
And the only reason I'm singin' you the song now is 'cause you may know
somebody in a similar situation.
Or you may be in a similar situation, and if you're in a situation like
that, there's only one thing you can do:
Walk into the shrink wherever you are, just walk in, say, "Shrink, . . . you
can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant", and walk out.
You know, if one person, just one person, does it, they may think he's
really sick and they won't take him.
And if two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both faggots and
they won't take either of them.
And if three people do it! Can you imagine three people walkin' in, singin'
a bar of "Alice's Restaurant" and walkin' out? They may think it's an
organization!
And can you imagine fifty people a day? I said FIFTY people a day . . .
walkin' in, singin' a bar of "Alice's Restaurant" and walkin' out? Friends,
they may think it's a MOVEMENT, and that's what it is: THE ALICE'S
RESTAURANT ANTI-MASSACREE MOVEMENT! . . . and all you gotta do to join is to
sing it the next time it comes around on the guitar.
With feelin'.
CHORUS
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